The problem is that I have four young children and my attentions are usually distracted when it comes to the evening hours, thus requiring me to steal out into the darkness on a regular basis and frantically pull down the laundry before any fauna notices me.
Tonight was no exception. I remembered the laundry on the line an hour after sunset, gave a loud sigh, and trudged over to the door leading out into the "laundry pavilion" on the side of the house. I squared my shoulders, flipped on the outside light, and strode out into the night with my trusty laundry basket on my hip. I settled into my choreography, plucking off clothespins and placing items into the basket like a well-rehearsed ballet scene.
And then the bugs found me. Because bright porch lights in the dark invite bugs, and warm bodies by bright porch lights are freakin' cake. (Insert frantic slapping at mosquitoes into my choreography, along with the lovely buzzing that mosquitoes make as they whizzed by my ears.)
And then the moths found me. Which doesn't sound like a big deal, but we're not talking little papery moths that flit towards light bulbs; no, we're talking about solid-built hate-filled dare devil moths the size of my hands. I've had encounters with them before, but mostly just by accident and I think they were more afraid of me than I was of them, despite what my screaming and running away would lead you to believe. I don't know what particular genetic strain tonight's moths were, but they did not like me at all, and they wanted me to know it. Urgently. And with great force. (Insert hand flailing and
And THEN the lightning started. Lightning! What an artistic touch to an already ominous scene! Lightning also makes it easier to see all the bugs swarming around yourself while trying to extend your precious appendages to tear laundry down from the clothesline. Oh, what a blessing. (Increase tempo.)
AND THEN I noticed, in the next burst of lightning, the flock of bats fly over my yard.
(EXIT STAGE. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. SCREAMING MAKES YOU RUN FASTER.)
I can do bugs, and darkness, and a little bit of lightning, but I don't do bats. My laundry and I fled to the safety of the house, and the abandoned laundry on the line can just rough it out overnight.
Of course, the mosquitoes followed me into the house, so I had to spend the first few minutes inside smashing them on the walls where they landed, so now I not only get to look forward to re-washing laundry tomorrow, but also the much-adored task of wiping mosquito guts off of the walls.
My life is a horror movie. Happy Halloween from Australia.